I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
