I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
