I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
