I think scott just propositioned me for sex
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
