Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
