I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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