Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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