1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
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