I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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