At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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