I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
So. Much. Porn.
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