nut hugger
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
