tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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