I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
You need a sexual gate keeper
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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