I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
