Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
