So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
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