My girlfriend figured out who you are.
ugly people sure do ruin things
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
