He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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