I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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