he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Randomize
