What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Life is so much better after having sex.
two words: eviction party
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
