We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
