I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
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