I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
