I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
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