We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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