Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize