FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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