I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
