did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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