What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
