but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize
