It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
