Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize