I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Boobs speak an international language.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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