apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
