I never want to see another naked old woman again.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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