I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
