Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
