Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
