i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
