All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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