If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I have tasted many bathrooms
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize