Soap is not a condiment
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
We left an ass print on the piano.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
