Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
