Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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