I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
