Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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