Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize