Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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