God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
3 2 1 whiskey
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
