You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
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