Heybabeimwearingurpanties
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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