It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
