ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
