a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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