Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize