I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
we made out on top of his cat.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
