Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
did you just send me my own nude
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize