FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
