my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
