first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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