overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
