I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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