I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
