I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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