I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
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