I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
