6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
