Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
please come you make the beer taste better
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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