Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
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