Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
