Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
