do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
