I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Randomize
