its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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