Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize