One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
