she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
