I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
How external is "for external use only"?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
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